Loan sharks are individuals (or groups) that lend money at extremely high interest rates, often using illegal or unethical methods to enforce repayment. While the term is generally associated with organized crime, specific individuals or fictional characters have become infamous as "loan sharks" due to their activities or portrayal in media.
They provide small loans that then require a payback that is disproportionate to the individual amount that can have harsh penalties if the loan isn’t repaid in time e.g., Shylock in Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice demanded a pound of flesh if a loan wasn’t repaid on time.
Many predatory individuals engage in loan sharking, using a small/minor act of generosity to force us to pay it back in some way; a way that is ultimately extremely costly to us.
The “loan” might be something extremely small and seemingly frivolous e.g., if you accept a drink from a stranger in a bar – even if they don’t have harmful intent towards you – they may be expecting a drink in return, and/or for you to give them more time than they actually deserve/warrant.
Whenever dealing with people who are putting you under pressure it’s worth reminding yourself whether you approached them, or they approached you. With both the individual at the bar who offered to buy you a drink and Mike, they approached you; you have no actual responsibilities or obligations towards them.
So far Mike hasn’t done anything to suggest you are in some form of debt to him but that may change. Whilst you are still thinking about being typecast, he says, “I don’t get it, when you and John moved into this house a few years ago, I gave up a weekend to help you pack and move in. I even lent you my brother’s van. And you won’t give me two minutes to come in and get a book.”
As social creatures, human beings have relied on reciprocation for our survival i.e., we may have at one time needed the help/assistance of others, such as being given food, shelter and/or clothing etc., with the implied understanding that we would help those who helped us when the time came.
This idea/concept of reciprocation is effectively built into our social DNA, even when another person’s needs aren’t tied up with survival e.g., if you have ever received a gift, in a situation/scenario where you didn’t believe that this was necessary or expected, you probably felt extremely guilty that you didn’t have something to give the other person(s) etc.
It may be that Mike was genuine in giving his help, when he gave up his time to help you move in and he did so without thinking about calling in a “debt” later, or maybe he was always looking for a way for you to repay him. Either way, he’s no longer asking for you to do him a favor by letting him into your home/house but is now telling you that you are obligated to do so i.e., he has a right to come in.
This isn’t now a request; he’s demanding that you hand over control of the situation to him. It’s not an explicit demand for you to do this but it is not far off.
At this moment you may be thinking, “What could possibly happen?” If he were to do something I would be able to identify him, he’s my partner’s best friend so he has no reason to hurt me etc.
These are all forms of denial to help cope with an extremely awkward and stressful social situation. Skilled and experienced sexual predators, know that these are thoughts and arguments that those they victimize make, and know how to deal with them; something they usually do after they’ve raped/sexually assaulted those they victimize (something we will look at later).
If you find yourself buckling under the social pressure that’s being exerted on you whilst your fear/survival system is screaming at you to not let him in, one strategy you could employ is to exit the house. Tell Mike to wait a moment, close the door, get your phone, coat and keys etc., and then tell him that you’re going out but that he can go in to look for and get the book, and then simply lock the door when he leaves etc.
If you believe a location has been compromised there are good reasons to exit it. Unfortunately, we often have a “territorial” desire to stay on our property, which can hinder us e.g., if you meet someone you intend to sleep with, invite them back into your home, but then change your mind (which is completely reasonable and should be respected), if they then refuse to leave, it is often easier for you to leave than to physically force them out or try to call law enforcement whilst you are in their presence.
It is always good to have somewhere “safe” you can go to at all stages of your life, such as a friend’s house. This means that you are never simply running away from danger, you are always heading to safety. However, let’s imagine that, overtaken by the process you are being subjected to, and trying to convince yourself that Mike has no harmful intent towards you, you continue to engage with him.