Sexual predators don’t care about your “feelings”. They have a goal, and that is what they are concerned with. If being nice doesn’t work, they may try persistence, and if that doesn’t work, they may take a nastier and more aggressive approach. This can mean that it can feel like you are on an emotional roller-coaster when dealing with predatory individuals.
Once Mike realizes that his persistence isn’t working, he may change tack. He may say something along the lines of, “You know what people are right about you, you are a selfish bitch who doesn’t want to help anyone else but yourself. I’m only looking for a couple of minutes of your time.”
Typecasting involves presenting you in a negative way/role that you want to react against. Human beings are social beings/creatures and the way others perceive us is not only important to us from an egotistical perspective but also from a survival/evolutionary one e.g., we need others to like us in order for us to survive.
Whilst historically this was very evident, as we hunted in groups, looked after our young in groups etc., we still need to be “liked” in order to get a good job, enjoy our leisure activities etc. So, when someone presents us as being negatively perceived by themselves and others, we feel an inherent need to respond and counter them e.g., we are not a selfish bitch, we do consider other’s needs and want to help them etc.
This is a good example of how predatory individuals put those they target into socially awkward situations. Mike has already done this by, turning up at your house unannounced, making a demand of you that you had no information about, discounting your “no”, and now telling you that everyone you both know thinks that you’re not a nice person. Not only that but they all talk about you behind your back.
This information isn’t coming from your partner who must be aware that everyone is talking “negatively” about you, but from a relative stranger. You may start to analyze past conversations you’ve had with common friends, question the way they behave and interact with you etc. This all helps to act as a distraction to what you should be focusing on, which is why does Mike want so desperately to get into your house.
Even when you know that someone is trying to “play” you, it can still be hard not to fall for it and give in to the person’s request/demand. There’s an easy way for you to prove Mike – and your other friends – wrong, and that is to let him in.
You may be somewhat angered and emotional at him and his claim. After all, it’s a fairly significant one, that causes you to think about how others perceive you. However, this is not the time to respond emotionally and now undo your “no” and let him in.
Whilst he was discounting your “no”, you should have started to ask yourself what it really is that he wants. He hasn’t tried to instruct you as to where the book might be so that you could get it for him but rather that he’s been extremely insistent on you letting him in to find/retrieve it.
If you ever offer a solution that someone rejects and persists with their “solution” it is always worth spending a moment to ask yourself what the other person “really” wants. By typecasting you in this way Mike knows that the only way you can counter his claim is to do things his way i.e., to let him in and give him a couple of minutes of your time.
Most of us, most of the time, want to resist and fight against negative labelling, especially in a moment. If we are constantly and consistently labelled as something we may eventually assume the label and lean into it e.g., if we are constantly described as a drop-out, we may start to see ourselves that way etc., however our initial reaction is usually one that rejects such a characterization, which makes it such a powerful tool for predatory individuals to use.
Though difficult and socially awkward, it is often more productive to “own” such accusations and use them as an opportunity to end an interaction e.g., “I’m sorry you and others think of me like that and so I understand why you wouldn’t want to spend any more time with me. Have a good day and I hope you enjoy your trip.” If in such situations, someone presents you with an opportunity to end the conversation, take it. If you are genuinely worried about your “reputation” this is not the time/moment to start rebuilding it.
If someone is so persistent that they don’t mind offending you to get what they want even if there is no underlying harmful intent, they are not a person you want to spend time with. When people engage in typecasting it is an extreme form of manipulation that suggests the person is committed to this goal. If you are able to shut the situation/interaction down, and the individual you are dealing with realizes that they have tried your patience they may exit. However, they may try some other tactics to force you to acquiesce with their demands. One of these is “Loan Sharking”.